When James was two years old he was an active boy but he still wasn’t speaking. John was defiant. He was bound and determined to figure out what was wrong and fix it. He had big plans for James.

Testing James’ hearing was unfruitful. He would ignore tones he had just acknowledged. But James knew that wasn’t the cause anyway. After all, the boy would respond to too much for the problem to be his hearing.

John was not prepared when he got the news. All he knew about autism, he learned from Psychology 101 and the movie Rainman. He really did not even know what Autism Spectrum Disorders were, never the less how to deal with them. All of the sudden John’s end zone dreams for James were dashed.

John was not one to give up. He was going to battle autism to the bitter end. One night he found himself at a meeting and met Abel. Abel was successful, happy and very autistic.

John did not know how to handle this. Abel changed John’s whole perspective. Abel had a family. Abel had a career. Abel played college football at John’s alma mater. This man who did not speak until age 12, accomplished things that John had not but wanted to.

John became a better father. He started to shape his dreams for James around James’ dreams. John started to look at James as a wonderful blessing in and of himself. Success was not about what James could or could not do. Success was about James becoming a good man. James learned to communicate but he seldom spoke. He did accomplish some great things by any standard. He became an architect that designs prisons of all things. He married well. John appreciated those things and was happy for his son, but his pride came from James’ good heart and character.

John became a fantastic grandfather. He learned to appreciate people for who they are not what they do. That was a greater blessing than any accomplishment.

Rani was amazing on the court.  She could serve aces at age 9.  By age 16 she was the only athlete in the international bachelaureate  program.   She amazed everyone she met.

Rani’s parents came to America to give her more opportunities.  They walked the line between old glory and old world.  They wanted Rani to be a doctor and still marry within the tribe.  No parents in town were any prouder than they were.

Each day the football team would run past the tennis courts on their way to the practice field.  Each day the girls would stop just for a moment to look at a few of them.  Each day Rani noticed Billy Jones.

Billy was a polite and respectful boy.  He was hard not to like.  His sun bleached hair and freckled nose seemed to disarm even the meanest folks.

Rani and Billy went to the same college.  Things were different there.  Rani’s scholarship and distance gave her an unknown freedom.   Nobody could really tell her what not to do anymore.   She made her own decisions.

Rani became a doctor.  And a Jones.  And a Baptist.  She, Billy and the children would go back to India on medical mission trips.

Her father is made peace with all this.  He is proud of his sandy haired grandchildren.  Her mother is still disappointed.

Dan never asked Danny boy how much he liked the game.  He just wanted to pass along a legacy of basketball.  He had done quite well.  He was the star of every team from first grade through high school.  He would have gone farther if his knees would have let him.  Surely his son could do even better.

Danny boy had natural talent.  He just lacked drive.  When he was younger the game was fun.  But teams changed, and coaches changed.  It has become something else.  Now, he would rather do something else.

Danny boy doesn’t dare tell his dad how he feels.  He just plays.  He craves big Dan’s approval and pride so he plays.

“Son, there will be important people watching your game today.  You have a chance to do what I never could.”

The sad truth is: Danny wants to do things that big Dan never wanted to do.

Danny will grow to be a man that lives up to a model.  He will play to his potential and earn a sensible degree.  He will have a good job and a good family just like he is supposed to do.  He will go on to buy a car he can’t afford and drive off into the sunset with a younger woman.   He will actually think that will make him happy.  It will work for a little while.

Big Dan won’t ever figure out where he went wrong.

Yes, this is a shame.  It is also familiar.  I don’t blame Big Dan for Danny’s problems.  But Big Dan does.  He lives with guilt.  He succeeded in passing on a legacy of basketball.  He failed to pass on a legacy of contentment.  He expected the boy and basketball to both be vicars in their own ways.  He didn’t need a vicar.  He needed the Genuine Article.

Lord, bless us as we help our children realize their own dreams.  Bless us as we teach them the contentment of pursuing you.  Bless us as we teach them your ways.  Bless them with their own dreams.  Bless them with their own faith.

This is the first post of a short series called End Zone Dreams.  The series is about the dreams that often go unrealized and are sometimes unrealistic.  I haven’t written all the post yet.  I don’t know the exact way they will go.  I hope to also include the dreams that should be realized.

One of my favorite situation comedies is That 70s Show.   I like the old episodes that centered around the conflict between Eric and Red Forman.  I never had that sort of problem with my father.  But, I knew quite a few fellas that did.  Eric and Red had little in common.  They couldn’t identify with each other.  Most of all, their relationship was horribly strained by Eric and Red having different dreams for Eric.

This happens a bunch.  Men have a bad habit of making plans for their sons that end up being a terrible burden instead of a beautiful vision.

When little girls don’t think anybody is listening, they talk about weddings.  They dream of that day from early childhood.  Grown men do the same thing.  Only with men it is not about a day.  It is about a life.  And, that life isn’t even their own.  This seems to be worse with sons than daughters but it happens with both.  I have seen dads have a superbowl ring, a PhD, and new renditions of Hail to The Chief all scheduled on a calendar before the boy is even born.

This places quite the burden on their children.  It typically ends up in much disappointment and a strained relationship.  Dad’s don’t deal with having their end zone dreams dashed very well.  Children crave their father’s pride.   The disappointment is hard to hide.  Red never got over Eric quitting tee ball.  Eric never got over Red’s disappointment.  In some ways a situation comedy can be full of crying jokes.